Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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