so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
