...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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