I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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