Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
