y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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