how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
