We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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