Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
