Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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