remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
