My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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