That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
