i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
