I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
