i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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