You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize