We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
