i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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