I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i drank out of a bidet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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