She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
porn star boner night. come get it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
