The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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