that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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