Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There r osticjed everywhere
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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