its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
