Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't make out with my wife yet
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
