I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
