if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
