I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
