Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
