Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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