I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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