I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
