I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize