I wanna bring you to show and tell
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
