You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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