i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
