Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
