She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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