a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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