just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
