In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
