sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
