I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
