I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
