I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
