I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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