I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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