You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
