This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
