the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
