Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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