i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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