and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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