OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
