Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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