One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
