how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
