Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
