Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
