I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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