no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize