Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
