No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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