we made out on top of his cat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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