theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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