why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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