News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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