Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
