God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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