So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
